Won't be anymore posts on baby #2

I haven't updated about it here yet, so, here goes...

Dec 8th, I went to the ER because no other doctors would see me. I had been spotting since mid November and started bleeding Dec 6th. We went and didn't get good news. The doctor examined me and we got an ultrasound. The doctor said I was slightly dilated and that there was no baby. I went in at 9 weeks, we were told everything stopped growing at 6 weeks. When we got our ultrasound, the tech wouldn't say a word. But I could see everything clearly. I could see the sac...but there wasn't a baby in there at all.

It was devastating. Still is most days. I don't understand it and I never will.

I was able to naturally miscarry at home. I have to go back, hopefully, one last time to get more blood drawn. Last they checked, my hcg leves were at 26. So they should be right where they need to be now.

We were so excited when we learned I was pregnant. We tried for just one month and we got pregnant right away. Just as fast as we got pregnant, all of a sudden it was over.

Now....I don't think I want another baby. I did at first, I was being as optimistic as possible when I was going through the miscarriage. But, if I ever have to go through that again, it will wreck me even more. Now, I'm leaning towards "one and done." Why test my luck again, right? I have one beautiful, smart, and healthy little 2yr old. She is more than enough. Silly me for thinking I wanted another one. Maybe it's just not in the cards for me. What will go wrong next time? Maybe I'll be further along and lose the baby. Maybe I'll die during labor, then neither of my kids will have a mother. So many things run through my mind about this.


I'm not sure what part of the healing process I'm in. Or if I'll change my mind about "one and done." Time will tell.

RIP baby T.E.S. xo