Dear T.E.

Today is your due date. 

I wonder what you might have looked like. Were you a girl or a boy? What would we have named you? How much would you have weighed? How long would you have been? Would you have looked like your big sister? 

These things I'll never know. 

I've never stopped thinking about you and wondering what the rest of my pregnancy would have been like. What kind of life you would have had. 

I may be the only one who remembers it's your due date. And that's ok. It's not up to anyone else to remember. I remember. I've been thinking about this day since I lost you in December. 

I took an Alpha class with your dad around the time I lost you. It was with a church we would go to off and on. It was supposed to help us understand why we are here in the first place. After the course, I'm still confused as to what this life is all about. But, the pastor asked us, "if you were face to face with God, what would you ask him?" Your dad being hilarious as usual said " what do you like to do for fun?" And me being the emotional wreck that I was at the time said "what does my baby look like?" 

I think about it everyday. 

Your little sister is due in October. I wonder, when she is able to talk, if she'll tell me about you. Describe what you looked like. Tell me things you said. Let me know if she saw her sister or brother before she came to me.

I took this at the end of November 2014. I still think this was you with us in this picture. 

See you? Floating by your sisters head. I know that was you. I was in the process of losing you since week 6. It wasn't until week 8 that it was confirmed and my pregnancy with you was over. I kept what I had of you. I'm sorry it took me 7 whole months before I could even think about burying you. Your dad finally did and we planted gorgeous bright flowers above you. 

 I miss you everyday. 

I love you, Taylor baby. 

See you when I see you.